Breaking news, from the San Diego Airport, TSA agent Johnny B. Smith, jumped up and down in celebration today when TSA Chariman John Pistole announce Smith patted down the one millionth penis for the TSA since the the new intrusive pat downs began. A jubilant Smith couldn't believe his fortune and told reporters how much more engaging his life has become since the regulations. Smith left his Key West, Florida job at the Bird Cage to take the job on the TSA's official junk detail earlier this month.
Smith will receive a letter from Barack Obama and two tickets on a round trip flight of his choice with a free pass to opt out of having his own junk felt up. Working for the federal government comes with special privileges.
Smith had some final words for the media. He hopes one day to catch a terrorists while feeling around someone's junk, but he remains doubtful that will ever happen. To this date, the TSA has not caught one terrorist with their intrusive pat downs, naked full body scanners, or requiring people to remove their shoes.
